It’s my birthday next week and it’s a significant one, I turn 30. Now I know everyone over the age of 30 will be thinking don’t worry that’s nothing, or will they? Did anyone else struggle like I am for such a silly reason?
I think it’s programmed into us to follow society’s pathway and this usually dictates that you have a house, husband and kids by this stage. Doesn’t it? I’m not your white picket fence kind of person and I definitely don’t want to start conforming now that I’m turning 30. So why is it troubling me? When I think about it the first reason that comes to mind is, I’m not where I thought I would be in life at this age. But when I dig deeper into this I am not actually sure what I thought! So I dig deeper and then realise that my life wouldn’t be what it is right now if things had gone differently and I’m relieved. Relieved that I ended up here. I’m actually really happy, I have a wonderful family and a core group of good friends. I have the perfect relationship with my amazingly supportive partner and together we have the best dog in the world. Yes he really is and I don’t care what other dog owners say about theirs. My dog is the best. I have a career that I really enjoy and this gives me opportunities I would never have thought possible. Each year just seems to be getting better and I am maturing and growing as a person which is the main reason it keeps improving. I know more, I know better, I do better. So why is it troubling me that I’m getting older.
It’s just another day, or is it a reminder that we only have a limited time here. You often hear stories of people who have achieved amazing results after the diagnosis of a life threatening/shortening illness. The thought of such a limited time is an amazing motivator to push yourself and make a difference. I used to work long hours in a job I didn’t really enjoy. I’d then head to the gym to “work off” the stress then I’d go home and collapse in front of rubbish TV until I fell asleep. Looking back now I wasn’t very happy in life but I also wasn’t unhappy I was ‘doing better’ than most around me by societys standards. I realise now I used retail therapy, nights out and holidays to make it all seem worthwhile. I had an unexpected wake up call when I found out my boyfriend of over 10 years had been having an affair with my cousin! I found myself in what I thought was hell… hurt, humiliated and not sure what to do next. I was just going along with the ride thinking life would all pan out and here it was in pieces on the floor in front of me with everyone around watching. Having people feel sorry for you is bad enough but what is worse is feeling sorry for yourself, but I went there. I wallowed in the misery, I played the victim, I asked all the torturous questions and I blamed myself for everything. Anxiety took over and time started to become a blur of nothingness. I lost my passion for everything, and just existed. It’s not a nice place to be, especially when you start waking up and realising what your are doing but you can’t quite pull yourself out just yet. I wasn’t actually quite sure who I was anymore!
If you look at things differently, the things you look at change
My sister challenged me to look at things differently. She made me realise this was a fresh start, now was the time to chase after my dreams and be truly happy. I started to count my blessings, at least we didn’t have any children together. She was toxic and now I don’t have to be nice anymore just because she is family. He wasn’t right for me anyway but I would never have left without this happening. I applied for a new job, ditched the cheater and moved back home to mum & dad.
I practiced gratitude every evening before bed and I became more positive as each day went on. I was inspired and just focused on me for the first time. I secured that new job as Learning and Development Business Partner at the Law Firm I already worked and threw myself into self development. The more I learned the more I wanted to learn and it became all consuming, before I knew it I was in a completely different place in life and I had started to forget about the past and move on. With all this new knowledge and learning I started excelling at work, I was even shortlisted for a national award as a Rising Star in the HR in Law awards. Over the next few months I re affirmed my beliefs started focusing on all the things that brought me joy and moved away from all the negatives.
I sold all my ‘designer’ items, and other unnecessary material things and took up hobbies of sewing and crocheting. I wanted a basic life that was real and thats what I’m still working towards.
I lived in the city centre and worked 15 minutes walk from home. I ate out at lovely restaurants every week and spent my weekends partying. I was a member of a luxury gym with spa, had my nails done every few weeks whilst sipping on wine thinking I was living a good life. The problem was it wasnt really me. I wanted the Tom Boy back who cares more about the adventure than what she looks like. The one who wears comfortable clothes that’ll most likely get ruined anyway. I want to be true to myself because that’s when Im most happy
So where am I now. I have reduced my working days to 4 and loving 3 day weekends exploring with my boys (bf and dog). I have secured an allotment with the dream of one day growing all my own fruits and vegetables. I have taken up yoga and adopted a relaxed lifestyle. I have started following my passion more and jumping out of my comfort zone and I am ready to tackle this next decade with a positive attitude. And one day I will make the jump and follow my ultimate dream…. watch this space
So for those that know me will know my 30th has been and gone! I keep writing blogs and then being too scared to publish, but I’ve re read it and I stand by it so I’m posting it one month after turning 30, and do you know what… 30s not bad actually!
If you struggled during a milestone do comment below and let us know how you overcame this.